tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7604174259335926664.post8667121456590338751..comments2011-01-11T06:46:52.330-08:00Comments on MY LEAKY BLOG: The Body-Shaming EpidemicJULIEhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03200597551421725803noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7604174259335926664.post-86751568719574110842011-01-11T06:46:52.330-08:002011-01-11T06:46:52.330-08:00Amy! So sorry it took me so long to respond. I don...Amy! So sorry it took me so long to respond. I don't get notified when ppl post (cld probably change that, not sure how) so didn't see this until I came back to this post to pull stuff for other writing.<br />Thank you so much for your comment. Exactly! It's shame that's toxic and unhealthy!! This is one of the last social matters that all kinds of people still feel entirely justified in being complete assholes about in ways that they would never be so open about on other matters.<br />I'm hoping for you that you encounter more solidarity than you're ever expecting and new people to counter the absolute cowardly, patronizing and disgusting attitudes you've been subject to. Failing that: perfect the art of the Italian death-stare, or find a friend like me to accompany you and apply it liberally to all fat-shaming assholes in all contexts!<br />Sending you love, solidarity and acceptance xoxoxoJULIEhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03200597551421725803noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7604174259335926664.post-78083785900485388952010-10-22T17:21:20.007-07:002010-10-22T17:21:20.007-07:00Oh my gosh, Julie, it's so karmic that you pos...Oh my gosh, Julie, it's so karmic that you posted this, because I follow a blog by the obesity and bariatric surgery "head expert dude" in Edmonton, ALB, and he just posted a blog about obesity shame also. <br /><br />I hate that this is my truth, but: as an obese woman (who's been overweight my entire life), I can say with total certainty that shame is the DOMINANT emotion I feel on a daily basis. Shame gets programmed into overweight individuals via bullying, taunting, judgment and social ostracism (ie, direct human interaction), and via the indirect messages in all our forms of entertainment (movies like "Shallow Hal", the "Fat Monica" episodes of "Friends", and the billions of other occasions on which obese bodies are used as sources of disgust, repulsion, lower status and mockery). We all know that already, yes. I think what's horrible, though, is that even for those of us who should be "smart enough" and "empowered enough" to get past that shame -- even when we know, cognitively, that shame, like guilt, is a useless emotion -- we can't. I know I can't! I'll speak for myself, here: the sense of being an utterly unworthy human being is so strong, and the FEAR of the continuous, relentless judgment and hatred I'll continue to incur is so strong, that I find myself backing away from many life situations -- for example, I HATE eating in public...I hate going ANYplace in summer, because it means either showing more of my body, or covering up my body and being horribly uncomfortable...I LOATHE having to see doctors and specialists, for fear of how they'll react to my weight, and have had experiences of putting off necessary doctor appointments for as long as humanly possible to avoid the shame I'll be made to feel...and, while I love working out at the gym, going there means getting past the hurdle of knowing that I'll probably be laughed at, snickered at, stared at, sneered at (several weeks ago, a pack of boys on the sidewalk outside the gym window saw me on the treadmill, started laughing uproariously and snapping photos of me with their cell phones). Furthermore, when one is living with this much shame around one's body, it means that there is no "room" for any other self-esteem lowering events. For example, on top of being obese, I am now losing my hair -- and the potentiality of being BALD on TOP OF being fat is, I've got to tell you, so alarming and devastating that all I can imagine is locking the door to my apartment and never going outside again. <br /><br />Now, if I'm an extremely extroverted, outspoken, active and impassioned person (er, I am -- not just person, but actor/writer) and I feel this vulnerable and this inclined to retreat from life, think of how much more vulnerable other overweight people are who AREN'T bold, outgoing loudmouths. <br /><br />My point is, many many fat people get caught in a vicious cycle created by the effects of lifelong shame, ostracism and bullying. If our efforts to be active, social, healthy individuals living full, happy, colorful lives are thwarted by the public's response to our bodies (the laughing young men photographing this fat lady walking on the treadmill, for example), we are NOT going to continue to do the activities that might elicit that response. And if we retreat from the world, and from life...stay home, where there are no mocking voices, no sneering people, no doctors to admonish us, no salespeople staring as we search for clothes....then we increase our isolation, and very likely, our weight. We get more ashamed. The next time we try to participate in life, the reaction to our bodies is even WORSE. We retreat, eat more, grow more ashamed. Repeat, repeat, repeat.<br /><br />This is no way to live. This is horrible. <br />Something has to change.<br />I'm just not sure how to make it happen....after decades of trying, via art and writing and activism, I'm not sure what the hell happens next.Amyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01873796174539594044noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7604174259335926664.post-35901769529719874502010-08-27T16:23:16.657-07:002010-08-27T16:23:16.657-07:00Thank you Twig Tea. 100 % agreed. Abuse certainly ...Thank you Twig Tea. 100 % agreed. Abuse certainly completes the shame cycle, addiction, disorder, etc. And the tweet-up that's been going on via Dr. Snit/Melissa has had a lot of comments about doctors presuming they know what someone's lifestyle is just by looking at them. So damaging.JULIEhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03200597551421725803noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7604174259335926664.post-28426032389758697632010-08-27T14:16:40.023-07:002010-08-27T14:16:40.023-07:00I agree, the personal level on which this plays ou...I agree, the personal level on which this plays out is always so distressing to me. The large lady on the subway glaring at me (also a large lady) for daring to wear a tank top on a hot day, or the coworker talking about how she "hates" another coworker because she's beautiful and therefore 'slutty' and out for herself, I just. I find it so distressing.<br /><br />And I think the fact that SO MANY abuse victims (speaking as one) turn to food disorders as one way of managing their distress has to do with exactly what you're talking about, the culture that encourages and enables eating disorders (and that does not understand the fundamentals of addiction). <br /><br />The other thing that people don't talk about is that body type is actually a pretty poor indication of one's health; I was the same shape when I was exercising 3+ times per week and lifting over 100 lbs in weights with no difficulty as I was when I was living a super-sedentary lifestyle, puffing walking up one flight of stairs, and struggling to lift 70 lbs. There are anecdotes and there are doctor's quotes, but in the end people cling to their stereotypes.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7604174259335926664.post-82683409905158611822010-08-27T13:22:00.700-07:002010-08-27T13:22:00.700-07:00Dictionaryhound -- I agree, Canadians too. Also, B...Dictionaryhound -- I agree, Canadians too. Also, Brits. Can't speak for anywhere else but probably almost everywhere.<br /><br />Thanks Melissa/Dr. Snit! Well-put, as always! After being pumped intravenously with prednisone over the course of 8 months, as well as oral at home, I had a doctor describe my abdomen as "obese". I was practically withering away from the Crohn's at this point, had lost tonnes of weight. But medically-induced puffiness = obese??JULIEhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03200597551421725803noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7604174259335926664.post-40283571392448690352010-08-27T12:29:49.628-07:002010-08-27T12:29:49.628-07:00A powerful blog! Well done Julie! I applaud your v...A powerful blog! Well done Julie! I applaud your views and your articulated anti-demonizing of the weight "problem" right now. I've seen too many people mock fat right now and I'm over it. OVER IT. <br /><br />I've seen too many people going in for weight loss surgeries that will forever alter their lives and create horrific medical complications later in life (worse than if they were a little over weight even) BECAUSE of the demonizing effects of weight and the witch hunting that is going on. <br /><br />There's a great book out right now called, FatSo... powerful read... It is HARD to resist the sirens call to weight right now - even for thin people... put an already chubby person in the line of fat and wow. <br /><br />And "health professionals" are the meanest most judgmental, LEAST SUPPORTIVE people I have ever met when it comes to weight. They will gladly make people fat with their drugs and KEEP YOU ALIVE with metyl pred and anti-seizure meds... but they will turn around and mock your "back fat" (I just saw several doctors literally mock someone's back fat and another someone who was 7 pounds more than BMI (which could be b/c you were on your period or drank a coffee before you went in to be weighed. Their smug hateful attitudes toward weight made me dry heave in my mouth). <br /><br />MANY "healers" in this world are MORE BROKEN THAN THE SICK PEOPLE they profess to heal. They just are. Your own beautiful art has shown this. <br /><br />Beautiful post. Well done. Lovely work. <br /><br />Cheers!<br />MelissaNohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08431705820735752859noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7604174259335926664.post-4491796124488672582010-08-27T09:36:21.360-07:002010-08-27T09:36:21.360-07:00The American's have lost themselves in a cultu...The American's have lost themselves in a culture of shame which feeds into their governments political agenda of victimizing groups and individuals who don't support it.Dictionaryhoundhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12845338920031306272noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7604174259335926664.post-18075992313505909082010-08-27T09:33:17.065-07:002010-08-27T09:33:17.065-07:00Jenn, totally, people project the strangest things...Jenn, totally, people project the strangest things onto our bodies and feel strangely entitled to comment!<br />I love the Audre Lorde quote. So true<br />And, I love you two.JULIEhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03200597551421725803noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7604174259335926664.post-44638072099555302132010-08-27T09:01:07.582-07:002010-08-27T09:01:07.582-07:00Agreed, Julie! ...and thanks for writing this!
S...Agreed, Julie! ...and thanks for writing this! <br /><br />Shame is such a toxic emotion, driving people into all kinds of unhealthy behaviours. To quote Audre Lorde: "The master's tools will never bring down the master's house." <br /><br />In my experience it's never shame helping me or those I know to become more healthy or happy. It's the opposite of shame -- self-care and self-acceptance, compassion for ourselves and others that supports us to live better. <br /><br />Shaming us into believing we're fundamentally unlovable without the right deodorant, car, or shoes probably sells a lot of product -- marketing terrorism, i'd call it, and that IS a shameful thing. <br /><br />Just thinking about it makes me wanna go eat another chocolate chip muffin....https://www.blogger.com/profile/15630237388245269804noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7604174259335926664.post-77639487382120971762010-08-27T08:15:53.382-07:002010-08-27T08:15:53.382-07:00Right on. And please, women, how about THINKING be...Right on. And please, women, how about THINKING before you ask another woman if she's pregnant? My belly is my business, not your, My years with anorexia and a strong hatred towards my body have gifted me with acceptance. I LOVE MY BODY and I LOVE MY LIFE. Perhaps you can achieve that unconditional body love and acceptance too? Go ahead, I dare you.Jennifer Hickshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18351458993630972607noreply@blogger.com